During the late summer of 2021, I started organizing and updating my portfolio and resume. I thought it was going to be a long process, so I decided to pace myself. I was looking for a modeling job, but one job caught my eye. It was a level design job for a small startup. I had no professional experience with level design, but it was the fundamental thing that made me pursue this career when I was a kid, so I decided to just try. To my surprise, I received a reply and an interview, which after many, many years of rejections, was a bit emotional for me. After the interview, I took a test. The test was to make a level using a custom engine. With no formal training, I spent a lot of time reading and watching tutorials. Fundamentally, the new engine wasn’t the issue for me, it was design, but I put together something rough that showed I could guide the player through the environment with some basic mission blocks and ending the level with a final boss fight. The employer was shocked and said I went far above their expectations and offered me the job. I was ecstatic! After all those years, I finally had landed a job in my field and something I’m passionate about. I finally got to work on a game.
During my time working on that project, I had a realization of something that has stuck with me to this day. I am a level designer and that is what I’m meant to be, because I’m proud of the work I did on the project and I’m proud of the steps I took to put past insecurities aside and try something out of my comfort zone. Players enjoyed playing my levels, and I learned a lot from my mistakes. My employer relied on my direction and valued my input. There were also many moments where I felt insecure or, I suppose, what some people call “imposter syndrome,” but when I look back at the work I did with the very little experience I had, I am confident with my direction now.
The unfortunate truth was that this project also came to a close abruptly. The company couldn’t remain funded and we had to shut down operations, but compared to my last experience it wasn’t as painful, and I was left with more than when I started. I had gained confidence in myself, I learned a lot about level design and design principles in general, and finally and most importantly, I fell in love with the process. With modeling and art, it can be fun, but over time it just feels like busy work just to fill a scene and make it look cool. I am better suited to making ideas come to life.